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It’s not like we need a reason to imbibe but if you’re looking for a way to make The Food Network, Cooking Channel, Food Paradise, or any other food based show more of a party we’ve got some suggestions. Just follow our instructions and you’ll be so wasted you’ll have to order pizza because you’re too intoxicated to go out for dinner. Kitchen Nightmares via YouTube 1 Melts In Your Mouth Take a small sip anytime this phrase is used. If you take more than a small sip you’ll be totally wasted by the time the first food segment is over. Everything cooked on every show “melts in your mouth”. That could be beef brisket to lamb to Mongolian swordfish. It’s overused and most of the time isn’t really true. Joe Raedle/Getty Images 2 Has Great Chew Take a full gulp when you hear this one mentioned. “It’s got great chew” is the antithesis of “melts in your mouth”. That means you will need functioning teeth to actually eat it. We love the dynamic contrast in our bites and “the chew” give us the feeling that we are eating and not drinking our food. The Guardian via Getty Images 3 It’s A Secret How do great restaurants become great restaurants? They offer food that no one else can. Hence, the secret recipe, spice blend, cooking technique, and other things that can’t be disclosed. You might want to just smell your beverage every time this phrase is used because everyone will use it. Mark Wiens via YouTube 4 The Host Rolls Their Eyes When They Take A Bite Come on, everything can’t be that good right? I understand the need to over exaggerate for the sake of TV but let’s face it. It’s a sandwich. Sniff your drink when this happens too. I don’t want you to die while playing my drinking game. facebook / cooyon duhon 5 Misuse Of The Designation Cajun You can slam a whole drink on this one. Not because it’s underused but because it’s so wrong you need to drink to get the thought out of your brain. To anyone who is not from Louisiana the idea of making a dish “Cajun” simply involves cayenne pepper. Cajun food is so much more than red pepper. If it isn’t cooked or created in Louisiana or by someone with direct ties to Louisiana, it ain’t Cajun. Instagram: @bretteldredge 6 The Host Sneaks A Taste You can take a full gulp when this happens. It only happens on male-hosted shows. When a sneak taste is made it implies to the viewer that the recipe is so good that the hosts can’t wait to taste it. My guess is this.The recipe takes so long to cook the host is starving. That’s why they’ve risked their health to sneak a bite of raw chicken. funnyplox via YouTube 7 A Child Comments On The Food What do your young children normally eat? They are chicken nugget connoisseurs.The chef, cook, host, isn’t making chicken nuggets. Therefore, a child’s opinion is invalid. Take a big drink when a kid makes a comment on something like foie gras, filet mignon, or anything that isn’t a freaking chicken nugget. Zagat via YouTube 8 An Overly Huge Meal Is Served You can slam a big drink when this happens. It will help you grasp the concept of why in the hell someone would even want to ingest half a cow, an acre of pizza, a sandwich the size of a Corrolla, a burger that is taller than Steph Curry, or is so hot that snotting on the plate is considered acceptable behavior. These food challenges are just wrong. Why they earn a place on TV escapes me. I guess it’s the American way to earn that spot on the motorized scooter while shopping at the Walmart. Trending Updates via YouTube 9 A Bay Leaf Is Used You can have half a glass when you see the chef drop in a bay leaf. These magical leaves seem to be dropped into almost every recipe but the ones for milkshakes. To be honest, I have made many recipes and left the bay leaf out. This exclusion didn’t ruin the recipe, destroy the taste, or keep the country from winning the war. Bay leaves are so overrated. However, they can kill you. At least that’s what I heard. Expert Village via YouTube 10 A Big Deal Is Made About Using Your Hands This is a full shot, full beer, down it kind of activity. If you’re going to cook you need to put your hands in it to mix it. That’s the ancient way and the right way to mix ingredients properly. Using mechanical means may be more efficient and allegedly more sanitary but the best food comes from hand-mixed ingredients. Enough said. It should be the norm and not the OMG surprise tactic. That Should Have You Pie-Eyed After One Show I realize that cooking is an art form. There are many kinds of artists too. For me, the cooking show is the default when there are no sports on TV or the infomercials are about flipping houses or selling pillows. I probably watch too many cooking shows, but at least I know how to make the interesting.


Kitchen Nightmares via YouTube 1 Melts In Your Mouth Take a small sip anytime this phrase is used. If you take more than a small sip you’ll be totally wasted by the time the first food segment is over. Everything cooked on every show “melts in your mouth”. That could be beef brisket to lamb to Mongolian swordfish. It’s overused and most of the time isn’t really true. Joe Raedle/Getty Images 2 Has Great Chew Take a full gulp when you hear this one mentioned. “It’s got great chew” is the antithesis of “melts in your mouth”. That means you will need functioning teeth to actually eat it. We love the dynamic contrast in our bites and “the chew” give us the feeling that we are eating and not drinking our food. The Guardian via Getty Images 3 It’s A Secret How do great restaurants become great restaurants? They offer food that no one else can. Hence, the secret recipe, spice blend, cooking technique, and other things that can’t be disclosed. You might want to just smell your beverage every time this phrase is used because everyone will use it. Mark Wiens via YouTube 4 The Host Rolls Their Eyes When They Take A Bite Come on, everything can’t be that good right? I understand the need to over exaggerate for the sake of TV but let’s face it. It’s a sandwich. Sniff your drink when this happens too. I don’t want you to die while playing my drinking game. facebook / cooyon duhon 5 Misuse Of The Designation Cajun You can slam a whole drink on this one. Not because it’s underused but because it’s so wrong you need to drink to get the thought out of your brain. To anyone who is not from Louisiana the idea of making a dish “Cajun” simply involves cayenne pepper. Cajun food is so much more than red pepper. If it isn’t cooked or created in Louisiana or by someone with direct ties to Louisiana, it ain’t Cajun. Instagram: @bretteldredge 6 The Host Sneaks A Taste You can take a full gulp when this happens. It only happens on male-hosted shows. When a sneak taste is made it implies to the viewer that the recipe is so good that the hosts can’t wait to taste it. My guess is this.The recipe takes so long to cook the host is starving. That’s why they’ve risked their health to sneak a bite of raw chicken. funnyplox via YouTube 7 A Child Comments On The Food What do your young children normally eat? They are chicken nugget connoisseurs.The chef, cook, host, isn’t making chicken nuggets. Therefore, a child’s opinion is invalid. Take a big drink when a kid makes a comment on something like foie gras, filet mignon, or anything that isn’t a freaking chicken nugget. Zagat via YouTube 8 An Overly Huge Meal Is Served You can slam a big drink when this happens. It will help you grasp the concept of why in the hell someone would even want to ingest half a cow, an acre of pizza, a sandwich the size of a Corrolla, a burger that is taller than Steph Curry, or is so hot that snotting on the plate is considered acceptable behavior. These food challenges are just wrong. Why they earn a place on TV escapes me. I guess it’s the American way to earn that spot on the motorized scooter while shopping at the Walmart. Trending Updates via YouTube 9 A Bay Leaf Is Used You can have half a glass when you see the chef drop in a bay leaf. These magical leaves seem to be dropped into almost every recipe but the ones for milkshakes. To be honest, I have made many recipes and left the bay leaf out. This exclusion didn’t ruin the recipe, destroy the taste, or keep the country from winning the war. Bay leaves are so overrated. However, they can kill you. At least that’s what I heard. Expert Village via YouTube 10 A Big Deal Is Made About Using Your Hands This is a full shot, full beer, down it kind of activity. If you’re going to cook you need to put your hands in it to mix it. That’s the ancient way and the right way to mix ingredients properly. Using mechanical means may be more efficient and allegedly more sanitary but the best food comes from hand-mixed ingredients. Enough said. It should be the norm and not the OMG surprise tactic. That Should Have You Pie-Eyed After One Show I realize that cooking is an art form. There are many kinds of artists too. For me, the cooking show is the default when there are no sports on TV or the infomercials are about flipping houses or selling pillows. I probably watch too many cooking shows, but at least I know how to make the interesting.